Cadet Bone Spurs Trumpets Up A Parade.

We Should Call It “The Banana Republic Parade.”

It all comes down to button size, which is really just a metaphor for biggest toys, which is really just a metaphor for . . . well . . . you know. North Korean President Kim Jong-Un brags about a nuclear button on his desk and Trump brags about a bigger nuclear button.

North Korea plans a great big military parade to show off all its toys available at the push of a button. Trump saw a great big military parade that France put on just for him (okay so it was actually their annual Bastille Day parade), but it wowed our President who likes to be flattered and thinks everything is about him.

So Trump issued his marching orders, literally marching orders. The marching orders really were: “I want a parade like the one in France.” Seriously, I’m not making that up, he actually said that. No word yet if he threatened to hold his breath until he turned blue (which would be an improvement to orange).

This may be the first time ever an American President has gone on record as desiring the American military to emulate the French military. There was a time that if you combined the “I feel lucky” feature on Google with a search for “French military victories” the Google response was “Did you mean ‘French military defeats’”? It then provided links to the rather uninspiring military history of France.

Of course President Trump does not know that history, anymore than he knows the history of immigration in his own country, or its Constitution for that matter. He only knows that North Korea and France had bigly military parades, he knows the military parade he saw in France was cool, so he wants a more biglyer, perhaps the more biglyest ever military parade right here in Merica of USA because that would be so super-cool. I mean what’s the point of being the Commander in Chief of the greatest military in the world if you can’t even have them parade in front of you with all their cool stuff?

Besides, what can more show your truely God-like Biblical patriotism more than taking our soldiers away from their regular duties and training to perform for a Presidential “dog and pony show” (which is what we used to call such things when I was an Army officer). I can just imagine Trump declaring “we’ll see if those Democrats sit down for this!”

I fear nothing good will come from this. There’s a thin line between appreciation for our military and an unhealthy obsession. This President does not deal well with thin lines. It’s impossible to see that stuff, such neat toys that they are, roll by and not wonder what it looks like when it is used. No kid gets the little green Army men and then just has a parade with them.

At least we can be sure the Commander In Chief won’t march them in. After all, who can march with bone spurs?

As they say in Rome, panem et circenses (bread and circuses).

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Retired lawyer & Army vet in The Villages of Florida. Lifelong: Republican (pre-Trump), Constitution buff, science nerd & dog lover. Twitter: @KeithDB80

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