FEMA Planning Mass Casualty Exercises For Victims Thrown Under Trump’s Bus.
As the fall out from the Ukraine impeachment investigation widens, to include indictments, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has announced a series of exercises to simulate responses to mass casualties thrown under the bus by Donald Trump.
Acting FEMA Director Pete Gaynor stated, “this has the makings of Category 5 scandal and Americans should know that FEMA will be prepared.” Gaynor went on to note that “not since storm Mueller’s mass incarcerations have we seen anything like this.” “That was bad,” said Gaynor, “but this time we really expect the bodies to pile up fast as the President pushes many more people under the bus to avoid impeachment.”
Gaynor noted that Trump had already given his acting personal attorney du jour, Rudy Guiliani, a strong shove. “If someone as telegenic as Giuliani can go down, anyone can,” said Gaynor with a strained straight face. “He’s clearly on his way to being Cohened,” said Gaynor. We can only hope he doesn’t get “Epsteined.”
FEMA announced exceptional steps to add realism to the drills, having enlisted Eric Trump, Trump Junior, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner to serve as life-like dummies.