Rooters News Service. November 7: BREAKING. After a heavily contested election, in which incumbent President Sirpas repeatedly claimed he could lose only if the election was rigged, major news services, including Rooters, today called the election for challenger Ima Weiner. In her acceptance speech Weiner promised to represent all Americans and restore guardrails of democracy removed by the Sirpas administration. Sirpas refused to concede, issuing a statement on social media claiming widespread election fraud, particularly in North Carolina. Weiner’s upset win in North Carolina put her over the electoral college top.
Rooters. November 19: BREAKING. Nominative President-elect Weiner has been assassinated while visiting relatives in Sparksville North Carolina. She was killed by a single shot from a sniper located in a tree line roughly half a mile away. The shooter remains at large. President Sirpas expressed regret that the election ended this way and stated that his new FBI Director is on the case.
Rooters. November 25: BREAKING. This morning the Governor of North Caroline issued an order calling for a special session of the state legislature to meet and “promptly determine how North Carolina’s electoral slate shall be apportioned. Under the 20th Amendment if the President-elect dies prior to taking office the Vice President elect acts as the new President. However, Governor DeMantis asserts there is no President-elect until the electoral college meets and votes in mid-December. Until then the state is free to choose its electors pursuant to the 12th Amendment.
Rooters. December 2: BREAKING. Today the North Carolina legislature voted overwhelmingly to award the state’s electoral college vote to electors loyal to incumbent President Sirpas. Sirpas narrowly lost the election in the state, though he still contests it, to the now assassinated Weiner. Members of the North Carolina legislature, which is dominated by Sirpas’s party, argued that in light of Weiner’s death it made sense to award the votes to the candidate receiving the second highest vote total in the state. In related news the Acting Director of the FBI, appointed shortly before the election, acknowledged little progress in the investigation of Ima Weiner’s assassination. The FBI Director called on members of the public with information to contact the FBI hotline.
Rooters December 14: BREAKING. The electoral college formally cast its ballots today, reelecting President Sirpas and his Vice President to office. The contested votes from North Carolina put Sirpas over the top.
Rooters January 6: BREAKING. Congress today, despite challenges to the electors from North Carolina, certified the vote for President Sirpas. Presiding over the proceeding, Sirpas’s own Vice President accepted the North Carolina slate of electors chosen by the legislature in a post election special session as the presumed legal slate of electors.
Rooters March 1: BREAKING. An arrest has finally been made in the investigation of the assassination of winning Presidential candidate Ima Weiner. Frank Mule, a highly trained active duty sniper with United States Army was arrested by Military Police at Fort Detrick Maryland. Investigators at the base claim they got a lucky break when Mule was found in the illegal possession of a missing military sniper rifle. The rifle’s ballistics were then found to match the assassination weapon. Mule has been charged with political assassination under 18 U.S.C. § 351.
Rooters March 12: BREAKING. In a stunning development President Sirpas suddenly and unexpectedly resigned today. No explanation for the resignation was provided, though rumors were beginning to swirl regarding the Weiner assassination and the accused Frank Mule. The unconfirmed rumors claimed possible communications between Sirpas and Mule prior to the assassination. No evidence has yet emerged to confirm these rumors.
Rooters March 20: BREAKING: In a bombshell development today accused assassin Frank Mule today motioned for dismissal of the charges against him, invoking the public authority defense. In a sworn statement attached to the motion Mule asserts that he assassinated Ima Weiner under the direct orders of President Sirpas. The sworn statement asserts Mule has recordings related to receiving this order and he believed he was doing as his Commander in Chief directed for national security. Mule claims Sirpas told him the President had secret information that Weiner was a plant by an unnamed hostile foreign power.
Rooters March 21: BREAKING: Members of Congress today split along party lines in their response to accused Weiner assassin Mule’s assertion that he acted on the orders of former President Sirpas. Members of Sirpas’s party urged caution and restraint as the allegations were investigated. Representative Laura Handie stated, “this is really just hearsay coming from a desperate killer.”
Rooters March 23: BREAKING: Frank Mule’s defense attorneys today released a series of tapes seeming to prove their claim that former President Sirpas ordered the assassination of the candidate who beat him in the general election. At one point Mule states that he will act only if specifically and directly ordered to carry out the hit. The voice of President Sirpas, is heard stating, “I am ordering you to kill her, you figure out how, but you have my order.” Mule, responds, “yes sir.” Sirpas then states, “don’t feel guilty about it, I have information that she is an agent for a hostile foreign power.” He adds, “you will be protecting this country by doing it.”
Rooters March 24: BREAKING: Political leaders split along party lines on whether former President Sirpas should be charged for his role in the assassination of his political rival. For example, Representative Handie stated, “maybe we should see if she was working for a hostile power, in which case she deserved it.”
Rooters April 10: BREAKING: Attorney General Mulligan, a Sirpas appointee, announced today that the Department of Justice could not bring charges against former President Sirpas. Mulligan noted that under the Supreme Court decision of United States v. Trump a President committing crimes while in office has absolute immunity from criminal prosecution unless impeached by the House and convicted by the Senate. Since Sirpas resigned prior to any impeachment or trial, any case brought against him would be dismissed under this binding precedent. “Regretfully, my hands are tied, but the rule of law must be respected,” said a somber Mulligan.
Rooters May 1: BREAKING: A Sirpas appointed judge today dismissed all charges against Frank Mule related to his assassination of Ima Weiner after she won the general Presidential election. The judge found Mule’s public authority defense (also known as entrapment by estoppel) valid and excused his killing of Weiner as a matter of law. Consequently, no person will be held accountable for the cold blooded murder of Ima Weiner.
COMMENT
The result of this scenario is exactly what Trump argued today in the United States Court of Appeals. Trump argued that he is absolutely immune from prosecution, for crimes committed while in office, unless impeached and convicted by the Senate. It should be noted that under this approach a President could never be prosecuted based on evidence that comes to light after he leaves office, a point this scenario attempted to illustrate. Given a President’s ability to use the power of his office to conceal evidence, this is particularly chilling.
