Really Very Real Space Cadets.

The Future Is Not The Past, Or The President.

President Trump has announced plans for the United States Space Force. We are assured it will be very, very awesome. Invoking the discredited language long used to justify racial segregation in the United States, the President actually said it would be “separate but equal” to the other five branches of the military. For the record, the other five branches are not actually separate but equal, because the Marine Corps is technically part of the Navy.

Moving past the Commander in Chief’s fundamental ignorance regarding our military’s basic structure, the President made clear the new Department of the Space Force (DOSF) would be separate but equal to the United States Air Force. This is very important because it means that since there is a United States Air Force Academy there must also soon be a United Space Force Academy. Otherwise the new Space Force will not truly be “separate but equal to the other services. The Space Force must have it’s own really very cool academy that it can call it’s own.

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As an added bonus, the initials “SFA” are the same as for Star Trek’s “StarFleet Academy. ”Perhaps in homage to Star Trek fans the new Space Force Academy will also be located in San Francisco.

More to the point, this means this country will have real, honest to God, genuine, actual “space cadets.” Just as we now have Air Force Cadets it is inevitable we shall have Space Cadets. This creates a dilemma because calling someone a “space cadet” is not exactly a compliment. The dictionary defines “Space Cadet” as follows:

noun Slang.

1. a person who appears to be in his or her own world or out of touch with reality [e.g. Donald Trump].

2. a person who behaves oddly or seems stupefied or remote because of the influence of drugs; druggie.

For an academy of future rocket scientist warriors, this seems harsh. What self respecting warrior/nerd would want in on this? Besides, playing Halo is safer.

Fortunately, our President has a plan to recruit Space Cadets. He will brilliantly use this new branch of the military to simultaneously address the sticky problem of immigrants and how to treat the “Dreamers.” That’s right, you guessed it, I have managed to gain access to this still uber-super secret (above even Q Level) upcoming Space Force internet recruitment poster:

Of course, even bona-fide American citizens can become Space Cadets. The President hopes to attract candidates who are physically incapable of service in the (soon to be known as) Terrestrial Unremarkably Routine Defense (TURD) Forces (aka Army, Navy Air Force). For example, in the weightlessness of space, bone spurs will not preclude service, and in space no one can hear you whine.

Written by

Retired lawyer & Army vet in The Villages of Florida. Lifelong: Republican (pre-Trump), Constitution buff, science nerd & dog lover. Twitter: @KeithDB80

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