The Worst TV Series That You Will Never See (humor)

Okay, so I got an idea for web TV series, or maybe Indie film, and I’d like to see what people think. I’ve tentatively entitled it Don’t Judge Me or perhaps Thompson Man.

Basic Premise: Fred Thompson is a first year law student by day, Federal District Court Judge at night, and sells term life insurance on the side. His best friend, Igor, is in the Russian mob. When asked about conflict of interests, Fred says he can’t have any because he’s not interested in anything.

Episode 1: In Constitutional law class Fred impresses the professor by easily resolving the paradox of “if Lochner v. New York is wrong then how can Roe v. Wade be right?” The professor is so overwhelmed she requests the school allow Fred to graduate immediately. When the request is denied the professor is so disappointed she buys high value term life insurance from Fred at full rates.

Episode 2: While walking home from the local combination Chinese Take Out restaurant and Gentlemen’s Club, Fred has an unexpected encounter with aliens pilfering recyclable trash from a dipsy-dumpster in a dark alley. When he is drenched by their DiHydrogen MonoOxide drive rockets the apologetic aliens give him dry clothes in the form of a orange jumpsuit that has super powers. The action really starts to pick up from here.

Episode 3: Fred uses the alien suit’s powers to rescue a liberal arts major who is stuck in a tree. The grateful student gives him her phone number while accidentally letting it slip that her favorite books are the “50 Shades of Gray” series. Fred tells her he can’t meet her that night because he has Federal District Court Night Court that evening, but he does sell her term insurance at a steep discount, suggesting a budding relationship.

Episode 4: Fred uses the alien suit’s powers to protect Igor from an attack by a rival Russian mob. At the end of the dramatic battle scene all the rival Russian mobsters are stuck in trees and Fred compels them to all buy automatically rolling over term insurance at inflated rates. As he starts to dart off to Property Law Class, a reporter, named Clark, happens by and asks who he is. Fred hurriedly answers “Thompson, man.” The next day the headlines blare of the heroic super savior “Thompson Man.”

Episode 5: The liberal arts major appears in Fred’s court on charges of Attempted Immoral Acts With A Miner.” Prosecutors allege she picked up a worker at the local underground coal complex and attempted to get him to listen to Nickelback. Fred dismisses the case on First Amendment grounds. She seems disappointed when the handcuffs are removed. Clark, the reporter, by like total chance just happens to be covering the proceedings and helpfully suggests afterwards (privately in Fred’s chambers) that Fred wear glasses to protect his identity.

Episode 6: Wearing random glasses, of a wrong prescription, Fred uses the alien suit’s powers to put out a building fire not realizing it was a movie set and he just ruined the scene. The city mayor condemns him and the media begins to turn against our hero.

Episode 7: Notwithstanding his wearing of the glasses, tabloids begin to swirl with rumors that Fred is the rogue hero, “Thompson Man.” Fred cleverly quashes the rumors by using the alien suit’s holographic projection powers to appear simultaneously in Contracts Class, in Federal District Court, all while being interviewed live on TV by Clark.

That’s all I have so far, but I think it has potential. Feel free to comment with additional episode ideas and cast suggestions. Try to be funny, I did.

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Retired lawyer & Army vet in The Villages of Florida. Lifelong: Republican (pre-Trump), Constitution buff, science nerd & dog lover. Twitter: @KeithDB80

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