Today President Trump shocked the nation, announcing plans to recover Osama Bin Laden’s body from the sea and ultimately raise him from the dead. “Killing Bin Laden was something Obama did,” Trump explained, “and so it was wrong.” Trump further explained that this was just part of his continuing effort to undo Obama policy decisions.
Trump pointed to his own different approach with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, suggesting that proves he could have handled Bin Laden better. “If I had only been President back then we would not have had to kill Bin Laden,” said Trump. “I would have met with Bin Laden, made some deals, and before long realized he’s a really great guy.”
As for recovering the body, Trump said, “That’s the easy part. We have the greatest Navy ever and I happen to know that they know exactly where they left his body.”
As for raising Bin Laden from the dead Trump was less certain. “We’ll see,” he said, “I have my best people working on it.” Trump pointed out he heard some guy was raised from the dead about 2,000 years ago, “so you know America, the greatest nation ever now, because of me, can do it.”