Trump Predicts 10 Fold Increase in Guam Tourism.

Really, he did. I swear I am not making this up.

This may sound like satire but it is not. At least this part of the article is not. President Trump really did call the Governor of Guam and predict that North Korea’s nuclear threats against it would increase tourism on the island ten-fold. This actually happened. OUR President did this. Let that sink in. Trump told Guam Governor Eddie Calvo that Guam is “1,000 percent safe,” which I guess is ten times more safe than perfectly safe (which would be a mere 100 percent safe).

“Eddie, I have to tell you, you’ve become extremely famous. All over the world the world, they’re talking about Guam, and they’re talking about you, and I think — tourism, I can say this, your tourism, you’re going to go up like tenfold with the expenditure of no money, so I congratulate you. … It just looks like a beautiful place.” — President Trump, actual quote (not made up).

Trump apparently believes the old adage that any publicity is good publicity. The Governor of Guam, knowing no amount of syrupy sucking up is too over the top with Trump, sickeningly responded:

“Mr. President, as the governor of Guam, representing the people of Guam, and as an American citizen, I have never felt more safe or so confident, with you at the helm. So with all the criticism going on over there, from a guy that’s being targeted, we need a president like you, so I’m just so thankful, and I’m glad you’re holding the helm, sir.”

Please note that we are still in the actual news part, and not the satire part, of this article. We now move to the satire part of this article with a satirical meme to denote it as such. When dealing with our President, such notice is necessary.

Guam as the nuclear paradise our President envisions.

There are no reports yet of other island paradises envious of North Korea’s madman placing in the nuclear crosshairs a competing island paradise, but that is sure to come. Bora Bora may change its name to “Bomba Bomba” to get the now coveted nuclear target branding.

However, Guam has clearly taken the lead in the suddenly mushrooming Nuclear Fallout Tourism Industry. Advertising slogans are already popping up, such as the one suggested in the above newly released tourism postcard from the Guam Tourism Bureau. Catchy phrases include:

— “Guam, the only island where you can glow in the dark.”

— “Guam, where our unique partnership with North Korea provides free radiation treatment for all cancer patients.”

— “Guam, home of the original nuclear family.”

— “Guam, biggest fireworks in the world, we swear!”

— “Guam, the Disney World of bombs.”

Written by

Retired lawyer & Army vet in The Villages of Florida. Lifelong: Republican (pre-Trump), Constitution buff, science nerd & dog lover. Twitter: @KeithDB80

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