White House Job Opening: Trump’s Ego Masseuse.
White House staff exhausted at constantly massaging President Trump’s fragile ego are seeking a permanent position for Presidential Ego Masseuse. The White House released a job announcement listing the qualifications sought for the position.
The fully qualified applicant will have no self esteem but be capable of inflating it in an already fully inflated President. The ego masseuse must be available 24 hours a day, particularly during early morning Twitter tantrums. Preferred skills include toadyism, obsequious prostration, a deep capacity for over the top fawning flattery, and tolerance for batshit crazy self absorption. Applicants should understand no amount of applying these skills is too much. Travel to foreign nations is not an expected requirement as foreign leaders have already learned the benefits of pandering to the President’s narcissism
Practitioners of either Asian or Swedish ego massage are welcome to apply.
Mexican or gay/transwhatever ego masseuses need not apply. Also no Democrats, no lawyers, and no one with any kind of background in the media (unless it was with Fox News) should apply.
Applicants will have to pass a security clearance process but it is okay to lie or exclude compromising information so long as you quickly forget about it.
The White House indicated that if qualified applicants were not found they are willing to pursue a medicated approach to Presidential ego soothing.